Yesterday, some work stuff caused me to be really frustrated and emo, again.
Then, this new friend of mine offered to be my listener and to give me some sound advices.
We talk about alot of things, many of which I avoided by trying to change the topic, but to no avail.
I tell you, he is someone who is very persistent, and he was so aggressive in all of his questions. He sort of threw me off guard and i felt really uncomfortable, as if I'm being stripped naked or something.
There was a point where I asked him whether I am impatient, and the following were his responses.
"You are patient....but only to certain people. You are very picky in terms of people, you choose who you want to be friendly or patient with. You are also a perfectionist, you want to do everything right. If you or anyone makes a mistake, eventhough it's a tiny one, you will feel annoyed and thus want to correct him/her."
You know, we have only gotten closer recently, maybe about 2-3 weeks ago. But he can already point out my character with such accuracy, I have to admit that I was, and still am, in awe.
"I can read you, you know, that is a gift." That's what he said.
On the way home, we talked about some really personal stuff, and at one point he basically laid out all the facts for me clearly, forcing me to face and admit the harsh reality that I've been running away from all this while.
Before I knew it, tears were forming in my eyes and I knew that I was about to cry. I tried to hold it in, I couldn't say anything as I'm afraid my tears will start flowing, so there were this moment of silence.
I felt really awkward, and in order to distract my thoughts, I blurted out "Hmm..this is awkward" as normal as I could. He asked me why was it weird, and somehow I admitted that I almost shed a tear.
He said he knew that I was about to cry, and he continued the conversation. But that was it, I couldn't hold it anymore, tears were flowing down my cheeks.
I turned to look outside the window, as I'm not used to being seen in such a weak state. He continued talking, comforting words I know and understand, but I wasn't exactly listening, so I could not remember clearly what he had said. All I know was his voice and tone were really soothing, and it caused me to sob even harder.
He is a guy with a really violent past and he has changed from a negative, bad-tempered person to this calm, collected, optimistic, content, helpful, wise, charming and renewed guy.
His past stories alone were astonishing enough, so imagine how unbelievable it was for me to hear those calming words coming from him, and ALL of it struck a chord.
"Remember, certain things you need to think and certain things you need to feel."
Those were his words, and I think it is something that I have to learn; when to think, feel and when not to over think.
"Learn to control your thoughts. Know when to stop when you feel that it's not worth thinking about."
I sincerely thank you for all these meaningful sentences and many other stories you have shared with me. You have no idea how much I'm touched by your gesture, and thank you for being able to accept the real me.
